Letting Go..

Kau tau tak kenapa mak-bapak kau hantar kau kat sini? Kau tau tak??”. I shook my head. Several others were shaking theirs as well. For several moments, they kept repeating the same question, before one of them provided their answer.

Dorang hantar korang dekat sini, sebabbbb dorang tak sayang korang sume!!

Until now, that answer brings back all the memories of yesteryear, the very first time I was away from the family, at the tender age of my life.

Bittersweet most probably would not do justice to describe the feeling, but definitely, the answer taunted me till now.

And it’s bringing back those memories again
And I’m thinking about those days that I knew then
And it’s bringing back those memories
Bringing back those enemies
Bringing back those memories again

With my youngest is set to leave her comfortable nest to start her journey away from home, it brings back those moments. Deep inside, I was tinged with sadness for I have to let go of my precious princess to wander in this wild world. “Can she do it?”, “Would she feel that I am doing that to her?” “Will she be mad at me for doing this??”. All sort of ill-feeling was racing in my mind, trying to cloud my mind toward changing that decision.

I know I should not be worrying so much. After all, her siblings were doing fine living away from home. Haris has just completed his SPM while staying at the boarding school. Same can be said for Kakak as well, as she is currently staying away in MRSM Pekan, which is located a few hours away from home. So I should not worry, right? But why then, I feel sad to release her, to a place which is only a few minutes away from home?

Being the youngest, we formed that special attachment. The most bubbly among all, she is the loveable type that can enlighten your day. Without fail, she can mesmerize us with her singing and dancing, every single time. As she is my forever baby, I could not imagine the day not having her close by my side.

But, sooner or later, it is a reality that any parent would have to face. We have to slowly let go and allow our little princess to wander and experience the adventure of life. We cannot forever hold on to the memory, as our children need to start to live their own life. We can do so much to chart their direction, but eventually, they would need to explore those on their own.

Now, I can imagine how my parents feel when they sent me away to boarding school. It is something that needs to be done so that we can explore our own life. We can experience life as it is independently. That is where the character-building will come into the picture.

Despite how bittersweet that letting-go can be, I can now understand how the earlier question might have influenced how I am to be. There was no doubt what was said is not true, but letting go is something that we have to take, regardless of how painful it is.

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it’s the most painful thing you’ll ever have to do and that you’ve ever done. But what’s yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands.” C. JoyBell C.

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